The Day Lex Got His Hair Back
by mandrake-o
Summary: Title is description enough, really. [Slash Clex]


**The day Lex got his hair back**

**Disclaimer:** Whatever it is, I don't own it.

**Dedication:** This is for Lee, because she inspired it.

* * *

Lex watched as his evil empire was destroyed by a large reddish hairy-looking monster. It reminded him of Cousin It from the _Addams Family_, but moved with more exuberance. It didn't speak, and its motions were fluid. Overall it was amorphous, not completely taking on the appearance of a solid form.

Superman arrived on the scene, and once again Lex thought that he seemed familiar, in a way closer to the heart than would be brought by having seen his visage planted on the cover of every newspaper in Metropolis. He was distracted almost immediately, though. The reddish blob was headed toward him.

But Lex was frozen in place for a moment watching it. It was proceeding so quickly that for a moment, it was only a reddish blur, and Lex was mesmerised. Somehow, the maniacal monster seemed to evoke a warm, fuzzy feeling inside him. It was odd, certainly, that an entity bent on destruction of his empire should make him feel peaceful inside.

Suddenly, the blob was almost upon him. It seemed to be trying to make itself larger, widening itself, and consequently lessening its breadth. It opened wide and all Lex saw was a cavernous hole. It seemed to be the monster's mouth. It darted toward him quick as a flash, then Superman had swept him into his arms and flown him to safety.

The fact that Lex was now several hundred metres away from the blob didn't seem to faze it. It turned instinctively knowing where he was, though Lex had discerned that it had no eyes.

"Are you alright, Mr. Luthor?" Superman asked him, his voice tainted with genuine concern.

Lex nodded. Superman's voice even sounded familiar. It was almost comical, really. It was as though Superman were trying to disguise his voice.

"Do you know what that thing is?" Superman asked.

"No," Lex replied. He turned to look at Superman's face, but was momentarily blinded by the sun. He covered his hands with his eyes.

"So you have no idea why it's after you?" Superman inquired.

"None whatsoever."

The two observed as the monster came closer.

"It moves rather quickly," Lex remarked, as one comments on the weather.

Building after building was decimated. Lex couldn't help but wonder why Superman was staying with him, instead of saving the people who must be dying in the buildings that were collapsing because of the monster.

"Why are you here?" Lex asked.

Superman looked at him quizzically. "I just saved your life. You didn't want to be eaten, did you?"

"I mean, why are you still here? I'm fine. And there must be a hundred people dying in those buildings the monster-thing just destroyed."

"Well," Superman seemed a little reluctant to explain himself. "I want to make sure that you're safe."

Something fluttered inside Lex at the thought. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. He almost thought it was love. "Oh." Lex was placated.

But Superman began to feel guilty; screams filled his super-sensitive ears. Lex was fine. "I guess I should go," Superman stated. He hadn't yet released Lex from his arms, and made no move to do so.

"Just a second," Lex stated. "The man who saved my life deserves a thank you kiss." He leaned over and kissed Superman's cheek.

Before he could visibly redden, Superman took off toward the collapsing buildings, faster than a speeding bullet.

When Superman was gone, Lex pondered what had possessed him to kiss the superhero. Then he wondered how he was going to get down from the building Superman had stranded him on. He lifted his cell from his pocket, about to ring for his helicopter to pick him up, but was startled when a blur appeared in front of him. Momentarily alarmed and thinking that the hairy blob was back, he took a step backward. Then the blur came to a stop and Lex realised that it was only Superman.

He cocked an eyebrow, wondering if the reason why Superman was back so soon was so that he could get another better, longer kiss. "Back so soon?"

"The red thing's after you," Superman stated. "It's headed straight here, knocking down anything that gets in its way. I don't want you to be in its way."

Lex nodded. "Once a superhero, always a superhero." Superman lifted him as he continued speaking. "Not content just saving a guy's life once is he?"

* * *

Lex and Superman had been on the run for some time now. Barely a moment was Lex out of his arms, before Superman would grab him about his torso and take off. If there wasn't a large hairy monster obviously after him Lex would have quite enjoyed it, though he never would have admitted it. It seemed as though Superman was trying to think of a plan, leading the blob around in circles.

They had a brief respite atop a tall building. They were able to watch as the hairy blob came closer, destroying buildings in its path. Curiously, it left forests, lakes, and other natural features unharmed. Superman went into the building after a moment and Lex followed. He hadn't noticed it before (though it seemed quite obvious now), but the building they'd just entered was the Daily Planet, distinguishable by the large rotating globe atop its roof.

Lex had been into the paper's headquarters before, but he had never entered from the roof. From Superman's actions, it appeared that he had done this before. He knew exactly where he was going. He didn't have to ask for directions, and appeared to be in a hurry to anyone watching. Of course, not all the people in the building would have been following the progress of the hairy monster as closely as Lex and Superman had. Every so often, Superman would turn to see if Lex was still following, or glance out a window for a glimpse of the monster.

Lex noticed that they had arrived at the desk of Lois Lane. He recognised her as bothersome woman who always seemed to want to get to the bottom of Lex's dealings. She, unlike most other reporters, refused to believe the statements he gave to the press. Lois also seemed a little too besotted with Superman for Lex's liking. He wondered where her partner was. When he was at the Planet, he couldn't help but wonder if Clark was around. He was the only reason why he put up with Lois… though Lois also seemed a little too attracted to Clark. But at the moment, Lex was feeling possessive over Superman, who he had no history with, not over Clark.

"Where's your boy toy?" he asked Lois.

"Who?" Lois asked, genuinely perplexed.

Lex frowned. "Master Kent."

Superman flinched unnoticeably at the sound of his name.

"Clark? He's out somewhere. I don't know." She made a motion signifying that it wasn't important.

"Much as I hate to interrupt," Superman intruded. "There's a giant hairy monster after Lex. And it's totaling everything in its path to get to him."

Lex liked the way his first name rolled off Superman's tongue. He imagined it rolling off his tongue in various other situations.

Lois shrugged. "Let it have him, then."

Lex was offended. Here he'd been thinking that there'd been some amount of attraction on her side for him. "And ruin my beautiful face?"

Lex wasn't sure but he thought a slight tinge of colour paint Superman's face a shade darker.

"We need to find out what it is. And I know you're the best woman for the job."

Lois was flattered. "Sure Superman, I'll get right on it."

"Thank you, Lois."

With that, Superman placed an arm around Lex's waist (a little too close to his groin for Lex's liking), and lifted him while Lois looked on jealously, remembering a time when she was lifted in the same way. Superman flew back up the stairs and too the roof, just in time to lure the reddish monster away from the Daily Planet.

* * *

They flew around the country just attempting to draw the hairy monster away from other people. Superman decided to fly over the Atlantic Ocean and noted that it couldn't leave the water. It floated below them, attempting to reach up with its hairy arms, but not succeeding.

"How's Lois supposed to find out what it is when it's out here and she's back in America?" Lex asked his flying friend.

Superman looked as though this hadn't occurred to him. "She'll find a way."

"But wouldn't it be easier if we weren't hovering over the ocean." Lex was disconcerted by the thought of the monster being so close to him. His stomach rumbled and he realised that the monster had been following them for hours, and he hadn't eaten anything.

"You're hungry," Superman stated.

"I haven't eaten in hours," Lex replied.

Superman studied his face with concern. "We'd best get something to eat, then."

They got sandwiches from a deli, then headed for a forest picnic. It might have been romantic if they weren't perched amongst tree branches, moving every few seconds to get away from their rugged pursuer. Birds squawked at them wherever they went, and more than once Lex was deposited right on top of an extremely pointy stick.

* * *

"This is beginning to become cliched," Lex commented, as he was ferried from one side of the continent to the other. "I once thought it was grand, just knowing that I could fly from one side of the country to the other in comfort, at any moment I chose. But this is just ridiculous." He was beginning to get cold. The sun had set, making it harder for them to see the blob unless it was right next to them. Every shadow seemed to move with the monster's agility. The lack of hair or hat on Lex's head made him lose heat easily. He was going to get a brain freeze in a way far more unpleasant than eating ice cream too quickly.

Superman hadn't spoken in a while. It was taking his utmost concentration, x-ray vision and sensitive hearing to work out where the monster was.

"Let's go to Australia," Lex suggested, rubbing at his ears. "It'll be warm there. It'll be day there. And it will take the monster a while to get there since it's over water."

"So how's Lois going to tell us what she's found out?"

"How was she going to tell us when you've been flying us from one side of the continent to the other?"

Once again, Superman hadn't thought of this possibility.

Lex rolled his eyes, and pulled a slim silver object from his jacket pocket. "It's called a cell phone."

He called his secretary, and got him to tell Lois to call him on his cell.

"Let's go, Superman."

* * *

Lex fell asleep over Hawaii, and wasn't awake when they landed in Sydney. Superman took the moment to study him. Most people, look better while they sleep, their face free of the cares of the universe. Lex, on the other hand, didn't have that down so well. It was as though the effort of making his face seem carefree in the daytime meant that his face creased into a natural frown in slumber. Superman liked it anyway. It was the unguarded Lex who was free to worry about things. Free to show how he truly felt. Superman felt the arm around his neck tighten slightly and smiled. He could get used to this.

Suddenly, the phone in Lex's pocket rang. Superman wondered how he would balance Lex and not wake him up, while answering the phone. Somehow he managed it, balancing Lex on a nearby bench. He opened it and wondered which button he'd need to press to get the phone to work. He then noticed that there was an animation on the screen, indicating that the call was already in progress.

"Hello?"

"Superman, is that you?" A female voice asked.

"Yes. Lois?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any news on the monster?"

"Yes," she stated. "Where are you?"

"Sydney, Australia."

"Oh," she was a little surprised. "How soon could you get here? I have something to tell you that I'm not so sure you'll believe."

"I think you'd better try me before we think about making the journey back to Metropolis."

"Well," she began. "We managed to pluck a hair from it while it was knocking down buildings. So we did a DNA test to see what sort of animal it was. Turns out it had human DNA."

"It's human?"

"It's human hair," Lois clarified. "It's a giant destructive, walking hairball."

"Well that's… interesting," Superman noted. "Have you worked out why it's after Lex?"

"Here's the interesting part. We ran the DNA through the police database to see if it had anything to do with a known criminal. We got a match."

"Who was it?"

"Lex Luthor."

"What?"

Lex stirred.

"It was an exact DNA match. The hair was Lex Luthor's."

"But he hasn't had hair in years. That seems a little suspicious."

"Those are the facts," Lois stated. "Do with them what you will. And call me when it's over. I'd like a scoop."

"It's the least I can do," Superman thanked her, and closed the phone.

"Was that Lois?" Lex asked.

Superman nodded. "She had some very odd news."

Lex's sleepy eyes narrowed. He raised an eyebrow curiously. "How odd?"

"They managed to do a DNA test on one of the creature's hairs." Superman looked at Lex. "It exactly matched yours."

"What?" Lex asked. "But I haven't grown hair since the meteor shower."

"Your hair must have gotten transported away from you in the meteor shower," Superman explained. "I think it's been looking for you ever since."

"It moves so quickly, though," Lex commented. "You'd think it would have found me before now."

"I think it's because it needed time to grow before it had the energy to look for you. And you haven't been in the same place for it to get a good homing signal on where you were."

"I guess it makes sense. In a twisted, nonsensical way."

"I have a theory that it's not actually out to harm you," Superman continued. "It just wants to get back onto your head where it belongs." Superman looked at Lex. "Don't you ever feel like a part of yourself is missing?"

Lex looked at him oddly. "It's hair. Men bald. Men shave it off their heads and faces. Women shave it off their legs."

"I must say," Superman said, holding a lock of his hair between his fingertips. "Being near indestructible means I've never lost a hair in my life. I don't know what it would be like to not have it." He looked over Lex's shoulder and noticed a red shadow on the horizon.

"Some people aren't as lucky," Lex commented, staring at the incoming red hair blob wistfully.

"Are you willing to give my theory a try?" Superman asked.

"But I haven't had hair in so long," Lex stated. "What if it doesn't feel right? What if it looks funny?"

"I think you'd look good with or without the hair," Superman stated.

That settled it for Lex. If it looked too strange anyway he could always just shave it off. It was only hair.

A minute later, the hairball was upon them. As before, it rose up, flattening and widening itself, then exposing a gigantic gaping black hole. Lex didn't shirk away, though all his reflexes were telling him to run. But Superman believed in him, and Superman had a theory.

The hair attached itself to his head. Lex hadn't noticed an empty feeling like Superman had described, but he certainly felt more complete now. Wandering over to a nearby shop window, Lex stared at his reflection. The hair had gone back to the places it normally would have gone. There was hair on his head, which came down to his knees making him look a little like a red-haired Sonic the Hedgehog. His eyebrows were now more defined. There was hair on his arms, and he could feel it on his chest and his legs. It made him wonder if he had pubic hair as well, but wasn't about to go feeling around down there with Superman watching. It felt surreal. It was amazing.

"Thank you," he said to Superman, wrapping his hairy arms around him and kissing him lightly on the lips.

Superman was breathless. He pulled Lex toward him and kissed him, deepening it. Superman then ran a hand through Lex's new hair. It was delightfully smooth and silky. It was well behaved hair. You wouldn't think that mere hours ago it had been destroying buildings in North America.

Lex ran a hand of his own through Superman's dark locks, messing his usually immaculate hair. He needed to breathe before Superman did, so pulled back, gazing into the superhero's eyes. Then something clicked.

"Clark?" he asked.

And Clark Kent, knowing that a relationship was built on trust nodded. "Hey, Lex."

Lex smiled, and kissed Clark Kent, the man he knew he'd been in love with for years.

* * *

A/N: This was partly inspired by a conversation Lee and I had a while ago involving Lex and the idea that it was wandering around looking for him. Also, it's because I never noticed until it was pointed out to me on a TV show on VH1, that Superman parts his hair on the other side to Clark Kent. And I think this is my first Smallville-ish fanfic. I was in a Superman mood because recently they shut down York St in the city to film for the new one. So every day when I go past I wonder which buildings they shot in front of. 


End file.
